Last week we looked at Conformity & Fear and if you missed that blog post you can go back and read it by clicking here.
In this blog we look at the next two things: Expectations and Assumptions.
In any relationship, in any work environment, in any business transaction there should always be clear expectations, and when I say clear expectations I mean:
I should be expecting something from you as a client, but you should be expecting something from me as your service provider or as your mentor. As somebody who has said that I’m going to do X Y and Z and then I’m going to be here for you.
In these ways when you’re clear on expectations there are no unknowns right?
It takes assumptions off the table because everything has been laid out and communication is clear and it is a lot easier to understand exactly where you are within that relationship or within that transaction.
When expectations are broken on a consistent basis the person then ends up assuming why those expectations have been broken. Now they’re in frustration land. I mean pissed off land. They’re in reaction land right because you told me that this was what I was supposed to expect but then you didn’t deliver on it. They’re now making up all sorts of assumptions as to why you didn’t because you haven’t communicated to me why those expectations weren’t met. Suddenly things get very ugly, right?
As business owners sometimes we put expectations on our team without proper communication, we make assumptions as to why they haven’t done something based on those expectations but then again we didn’t communicate properly so now we’re pissed off because we have a whole bunch of assumptions based on expectations that they didn’t even know were there.
So as a leader in any scenario, even in a relationship, I mean I’ve done this with my partner many times where we end up making assumptions because expectations were broken or they weren’t communicated clearly.
That’s why for me if I’m looking at my performance and I’m looking at how to make sure that my ability to achieve success regardless of situation or circumstance is to have that level of a mindset and to do these things really really well.
I have to communicate my expectations and I have to remove assumptions.
I love how they break down the word ASSUME – It makes an ASS out of U and ME!
Ultimately that’s what often happens. I’ve never seen anybody that makes a positive assumption and then feel great about it. Most of the time the assumption always comes back to the expectation either being met or not met.
So again take that and have a look at the situation in your relationships. Business wise with clients and how you’re communicating your service to make sure that those expectations are clear and that you don’t have a whole bunch of clients coming back on you going: “Where is this? I should have had this? What’s going on?”, and asking a whole bunch of questions which ultimately make you feel like shit right?
Then you’re making assumptions to them, they’re making assumptions to you and again it just gets ugly.
Start thinking how and when you can remove assumptions from all of your relationships, whether in business or personal, and then start thinking about how you can communicate those expectations a lot clearer.
Even for yourself in your own mind, set expectations that are going to set you up for success.
If my expectations are attached to my ideals which is the next point I’m going to dive into, am I setting myself up for success or failure?
This leads me to my next two things:
Your reality versus your ideals.
Your reality is what you’re facing right now and what you’re facing right now is the sum of all the decisions that have led you to this point, all the actions you have or haven’t taken.
You have created the reality that you’re in right now and your ideals tend to be very far off expectations.
I don’t mind stretch goals, I don’t mind really dreaming big, but what we tend to do is create ideals that tend to be more of a false reality than they do an intention or a vision.
We expect a certain outcome when ultimately we didn’t know that, that was possible or we didn’t know that it was the case, or we saw it from somebody else. So what did we make?
We made an assumption like we have already talked about, that leads you whereas dealing in your reality right and now making decisions based on where you are and that is in line with where you want to go versus making decisions that are based on your ideals of where you think you should be.
Whenever I compare myself with where I think I should be, where I think I went wrong, where I think I’m comparing myself to somebody else or that’s what I should be doing and that’s how I should be living, I’m ultimately setting myself up for failure vs making decisions based on my true reality that lead me to take the action now that is in line with where I want to go and sets myself sets me up for success.
All I have to do is make a decision right now based on my reality not based on a false reality or assumptions about what my reality could or should be like. Have a look at that again in your situation and when you have taken ownership of your reality, like really own where you are now in relation to where you want to be vs are you stuck in your ideals of where you think you should be you’ll get it.
A quote I give all of my clients is that:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I find that our ideals always tend to be based on some form of comparison whether it’s to where we think we should have been, whether it’s to somebody else, whether it’s to just that our imaginations have led us to this false reality.
I really do think there is a huge disparity between an ideal, an intention and a vision.
Art is to have a look at where you sit with those things and how you’re taking ownership of your reality and ultimately once you do that your ideals don’t exist anymore.
They’re still there and we still dream and daydream and everything else but we can do that in a more proactive way which is what we’re going to talk about in the next few blogs.
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